The Office [US] Transcripts
The Office: An American Workplace
2x09: EMAIL SURVEILLANCE
Original Air Date (NBC): 22/NOV/2005
Writer: Jennifer Celotta
Director: Paul Feig
Guest star: Leslie David Baker (Stanley), Mindy Kaling (Kelly), Kate Flannery (Meredith), Angela Kinsey (Angela), Paul Lieberstein (Toby), Oscar Nunez (Oscar), Brian Baumgartner (Kevin) , Michael Naughton (IT Tech Guy), Phyllis Smith (Phyllis)
Transcript by Nikki
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DISCLAIMER:
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"THE OFFICE" and other related entities are owned by NBC, blah blah blah
I do not own the characters in the story (if only)
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INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Michael: It is Friday morning, and it is another beautiful day in (turns chair around to look outside) Scranton, Pennsylvania. (sighs, then notices something in the parking lot) Oh my God.
(The camera zooms in on a guy getting out of his car, he is wearing a turban, Michael can be heard dialing the phone)
Michael: (oh phone, panicky) Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.
(He gives up, hangs up the phone, and gets up from his chair)
Michael: (to camera) Oh, we have a serious problem here.
CUT TO THE OFFICE
(Michael quickly walks out of his office)
Michael: Alright everybody. Lock the doors. Turn off the lights. Pretend you're not here.
(Michael locks the door)
Jim: Are we in danger?
Michael: There's no time to think about it. This is real.
(Michael turns out the lights and crouches down)
Michael: Just shh, everybody.
(Somebody walks up to the door and knocks)
(Dwight hides under his desk)
Kevin: Michael, should I call the-
(Michael frantically waves at Kevin to shut up)
Kevin: What?
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL
Michael: The I.T. tech guy and me, did not get off to a great start.
CUT TO INTRO WITH CREDITS
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE
(The I.T. tech guy (the guy in the turban) is sitting at Michael's computer)
Michael: Yeah I tried to install it myself but, ah, you guys have these things so password-protected and-
I.T. tech: That just means you have to enter your password.
Michael: Uh...
I.T. tech: What's your password, Michael?
Michael: Um, it's...
(The I.T. tech notices a post-it not on Michael's monitor and takes it off)
I.T. tech: Oh, 1, 2, 3, 4.
Michael: Yes.
(The I.T. tech types it in and looks at Michael)
CUT TO OUTSIDE OF MICHAEL'S OFFICE
(Dwight is lurking by the door but hides around the corner as the door opens)
Dwight: Michael!
Michael: Ah! Gah!
Dwight: Sorry.
Michael: Please don't do that.
Dwight: Okay, I'm sorry. What is going on in there? Why is he here? What are you doing?
Michael: I can't tell you.
Dwight: You have to tell me.
Michael: I don't have to tell you anything.
Dwight: Look, Michael.
(Michael sighs)
Dwight: I know you don't want to have to think about this.
(Michael looks dead pan into the camera)
Dwight: But if something were to happen to you, God forbid, then I would need to know in order to take over.
Michael: Dwight, nothing is going to happen to me, okay? I'm in the best shape of my life. Look at this. (flexes his arms) Grr!
Dwight: Yeah, but that doesn't matter, you could get a brain aneurysm.
Michael: I'm not going to get a br-
Dwight: Or get hit by a car.
Michael: Stop.
Dwight: Or a bus or a train. You could get poisoned. Fall down a well. Step on a mine. Choke.
Michael: Okay, if I step on a mine in Scranton, Pennsylvania, and die, you can have my job, okay? (starts walking to the kitchen) Why don't you just go away?
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL
Michael: There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees. His salary. That would depress them. His bed. It- and I am not going to tell them that I'll be reading their e-mails.
CUT BACK TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Michael: So how do you search?
I.T. tech: By keyword phrase.
Michael: Try profits. No, try Michael Scott. Michael, boss, and funny.
(The I.T. tech guy looks a little confused, but continues typing)
Michael: Oh my God! Wow! E-mail from Stanley. Stanley, terribly nice guy. (reading off the computer) "Sorry I didn't write back sooner. I can't go to the game tonight because my boss, Michael is an ass and making me stay late." Well, Stanley's an ass. Not one of our harder workers.
(The I.T. tech looks at the camera)
CUT TO THE OFFICE
(Michael walks out of his office)
Oscar: Hey, what's the deal Michael? Why are you spying on our computers?
Michael: Oh, no. Everybody, Oscar's gone crazy. What other ghost stories have you got for us? That I'm a robot? (imitating a robot) I will destroy, everything in my path.
Oscar: Actually, we just-
Michael: Boop! Beep! Bop!
Oscar: Okay.
Michael: Bonk! Boop, boop. Oil can. Oil can.
Oscar: Tin man. Actually we just got a memo from I.T. saying you're doing e-mail surveillance.
Michael: Oh, what? No, that defeats the whole purpose.
Dwight: So it's true? You have access to our e-mails?
Michael: You know what the problem is?
Stanley: I think I do.
Michael: The problem is that when people hear the term "Big Brother" they immediately think it's scary or bad. But I don't, I think, "Wow. I love my Big Brother".
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF KEVIN
Kevin: I gotta erase a lot of stuff. A LOT, of stuff.
CUT TO THE OFFICE AREA
(The camera is at reception, but zooms in on Angela)
(Angela is is at the copier, Dwight casually walks up next to her)
Dwight: Oh, hey. Just so you know. If you have any sensitive e-mails, they need to be deleted immediately.
Angela: I know.
Dwight: Good.
(The camera zooms back to reception)
Pam: (whispering) Hey.
(Pam makes a come here motion to Jim)
(Jim walks up to the counter)
Pam: Something just happened. Dwight just told Angela that she has to delete all of her sensitive e-mails immediately
Jim: What?
Pam: I know.
Jim: Hmm.
Pam: Do you they're like-
Jim: No.
Pam: Right, no. Ugh! Ew. Ew, ew, ew. (pauses) Maybe.
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM
Pam: It's like squishing a spider under a book. It's gonna be really gross, but I have to look and make sure that it's really dead. (looks at the camera crew) So if you guys see anything.
CUT TO JIM AND DWIGHT'S DESK AREA
(Pam walks up)
Pam: Hey, Dwight? Um...my friend is kind of into these two girls that he works with.
Dwight: Nice.
Pam: One is tall and brunette. And the other is short and blond and perky and kind of judgmental. Who do you think he should choose?
Dwight: Does he have access to their medical records?
(In the background Jim puts his hands behind his head to see how Pam's going to handle this)
Pam: Um... (looks at the camera)
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT
Dwight: I think on of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff, I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections. There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. (thinks about it) Probably because we're down river, from that old bread factory.
CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE
(Michael is surfing through the employee's e-mails)
Michael: Meredith has an E-vite, from Jim. (reading) "Barbecue at Jim's tonight." Tonight? (to camera) Wonder where my e-vitation is? Click on guest list. Angela, Stanley, Oscar, Meredith, Phyllis, Kevin, Creed. Must be...no.
CUT TO THE BREAK ROOM
(Angela is at the vending machine buying a Baby Ruth Candy Bar, Pam walks up)
Pam: Hey, Angela. How's it going?
Angela: It's okay.
Pam: Listen, are you bringing anyone to Jim's party tonight?
Angela: No. Are we supposed to?
Pam: No. I mean, I don't know. I don't think so.
Angela: Hmm.
(Pam starts to put her dollar in the vending machine)
Angela: Excuse me.
Pam: Oh.
(Angela starts putting more coins into the machine)
(Pam looks at the camera and raises her eyebrows)
(Angela buys another Baby Ruth)
(Pam makes a surprised face to the camera, holds up two fingers, and mouths "two!")
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL
Michael: There's always a distance between a boss and the employees. It is just nature's rule.
CUT TO THE OFFICE
(Michael is at Ryan's desk bopping him with a toy punching cat)
Michael: (VO) It's intimidation, mostly. It's the awareness that they are not me.
(Michael is now at Accounting knocking Angela's figurines off her desk partition with the cat)
Michael: I do think that I am very approachable as one of the guys.
CUT BACK TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL
Michael: But maybe I need to be even approachabler.
CUT TO THE KITCHEN
(Oscar, Kevin, Jim, and Pam are sitting at the table having lunch)
(Michael walks up)
Michael: Ahem.
Kevin: That's pretty, um-
Pam: Yeah.
Kevin: (to Michael) Are you going to eat with us?
Michael: Of course. Hanging with my crew. Crew that I am one of. Hanging with my Cup of Noodles. This is a meal in a cup, right here. Hot, tasty. Reminds me of college. Lived on this stuff. Brain food. Mmm. You know what I really, really miss about college? The parties. (Jim looks at the camera) Everybody'd go. The athletes. The nerds. The professors.
Pam: The professors would go to the parties?
Michael: Yeah. They were the most fun. We always invited them.
Jim: (VO) It's true. I'm having a party.
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM
Jim: I've got tree cases of imported beer. Karaoke machine. And I didn't invite Michael. So three ingredients for a great party. And it's nothing personal, I just think that if he were there, people wouldn't be able to relax and you know, have fun. And my roommate wants to meet everybody. Because, I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm making Dwight up. He is very real.
CUT TO RECEPTION
(The camera man runs up to Pam who is working)
(When the camera man doesn't get her attention, he bends down lower)
(Pam finally notices)
Pam: What?
(The camera pans over to Dwight at his desk, eating a Baby Ruth)
Pam: Oh! Yes! Thank you.
CUT TO LATER AT JIM'S DESK
(Dwight rolls his chair next to Jim's desk)
Dwight: Question. On the internet, there are several different options to get to your house for the party tonight.
Jim: Oh, um, no.
(Jim glances at Michael who is at reception)
Jim: No, no, no. Keep that down.
Dwight: Why?
Jim: (whispering) Because not everybody knows about the party.
Dwight: (in a low voice) Like who? Who doesn't know?
(Michael is walking back to his office)
Jim: (whispering) Um, Michael.
Dwight: Why just Michael?
Jim: Because it's a surprise.
Dwight: Is it?
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Dwight: Oh, that's perfect.
Jim: So don't tell.
Dwight: I won't.
Jim: Okay.
(Dwight smiles)
CUT TO RECEPTION
Jim: So, Dwight thinks that tonight is a surprise party for Michael.
Pam: Really? That's great.
Jim: I know.
Pam: Maybe we can get him to hide and wait somewhere.
Jim: (laughs) Oh man. Oh, you know what? Speaking of which, I was just trying to get a handle on, um, you know, the numbers for food and stuff. So do you think Roy's gonna come or...
Pam: Oh, no, he can't make it.
Jim: Oh, okay. Cool.
(Jim looks at the camera and tries to hide his grin)
(Jim makes his way back to his desk as Michael comes out of his office)
Michael: Hey there.
Jim: Hey.
Michael: Almost quitting time.
Jim: Yup. It's, uh, 4:00.
Michael: One more hour to take care of anything you forgot to do. Hey, you know, I don't know if you have any plans tonight, but if you don't, we could hang out.
Jim: Oh, um...I can't.
Michael: You have plans?
Jim: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I do.
Michael: Yeah, I do too, I do too.
Jim: Oh, you do?
Michael: Big plans. I do, yeah.
Jim: Because you just said you wanted to hang out-
Michael: Tonight, no I can't do it tonight. Improv class. I have improv class. Hanging out with my improve buds.
Jim: Really?
Michael: Yeah.
Jim: Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun.
Michael: Oh, it's the best. It's the best. I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up, I would definitely not go.
(Silence)
Jim: Improv sounds great.
Michael: It is. Okay. Alright.
(Somebody coughs)
Michael: What?
Jim: I think Stanley just coughed.
CUT TO A SHOT OF THE CLOCK
(It reads 5:10)
CUT TO THE OFFICE
(Everybody is getting ready to leave)
(Michael is sitting on the chair beside the door)
Michael: Hey, Pam. Do you need me to walk you to your vehicular transport?
Pam: No thanks.
Michael: Alright. Oscar, you have big plans tonight-
Oscar: I'm on a call.
Michael: Okay. Kevin. Big man, big man. What are you doing tonight? Where you off to?
Kevin: My brother is in town and we are going to see the Alaska Film Festival at the Si-
Michael: Okay, alright. Hey, Angela. Rushy, rushy. Where you rushing off to?
Angela: I'm just leaving for the day.
Michael: Yeah, well, duh. Where are you headed?
Angela: Charity. Bake Drive. (walks off)
Michael: Liar! You are a liar.
Angela: No, I'm not!
Michael: Ohh. Dwight. Oh, Dwight, my loyal compadre. You and I are hanging tonight. The two of us. We are celebrating our freedom and our manhood. You know what? Why don't we watch that show you've been wanting to watch? That stupid Battleship Galaxy-
Dwight: Battlestar Galactica?
Michael: That's, whatever stupid show you want to watch, we're watching it.
Dwight: I can't tonight. Unfortunately I've got plans. I have to go to practice. Soccer practice.
Michael: I didn't know you played soccer, Dwight.
Dwight: Clarinet.
Michael: You too, Dwight?
Dwight: Have fun tonight. Whatever it is that you're doing. And I'll see you Monday.
(Dwight starts walking to the door smiling)
Dwight: (to camera) He has no idea.
CUT TO JIM'S HOUSE
Jim: Quick announcement everybody, if I can get everybody's attention. We do have wine in the kitchen. And there is, ah, beer available on the porch. And despite what you might think, it's not all for Meredith and Kelly. So please enjoy.
(Dwight comes jogging in)
Dwight: Jim, you really think this is a good idea? (holds up a plastic rock) Huh? A hide-a-key rock?
Mark: Hey, you must be Dwight.
Dwight: You don't work with us.
Jim: That's because Mark's my roommate.
Dwight: Oh.
Mark: Hey, I love the Birkenstocks.
Dwight: Thanks. Yeah.
(Dwight puts his foot up on a chair to show his fashionable hunting socks and sandals combination)
Dwight: I always keep an extra set in the car for special occasions.
(Mark looks at Jim, they both nod at each other)
Dwight: Jim, come here.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Dwight: When is the guest of honor coming?
Jim: Oh. Uh, later-ish.
Dwight: He's going to love it!
Jim: Great. I just wanted to let you guys know that we will be taking the tour like I promised-
Pam: Hey.
Jim: (happy) Hey! Just in time. Do you want to go on a group tour? We were just about to leave.
Pam: Definitely.
Jim: Well, the group tour is now leaving then. Ladies and gentlemen, just a few things that we're going to be pointing out to you today. You will be able to see both bedrooms. And, uh, if we're lucky, maybe get a chance to peek into the bathroom. Who knows? I have to remind you also that flash photography is prohibited. And as much as you can, please refrain from touching things. I know you might want to.
(Jim leads the group to the stairs)
Ryan: Hey, is Katy coming?
Jim: Um, actually, I haven't talked to her in a while.
Ryan: Huh? Oh. Is it cool if I call her?
(Pam lets out a small, involuntary smile)
Jim: We'll talk about that later.
CUT TO MICHAEL'S IMPROV CLASS
Instructor: Okay, let's get right into it. I need two people for the first scene.
(Everybody puts their hands up)
Michael: Ooh, ooh, ooh! Mr. Kotter. Mr. Kot-ter!
Instructor: Okay, Michael. And...
(Everybody puts their hands down)
Instructor: Anybody? How about Marybeth?
Marybeth: Okay.
Instructor: Come on.
(Michael rolls his eyes at the camera)
Instructor: Okay, so you start us off, Marybeth.
Marybeth: Alright, great, okay. (she starts skipping and singing) La la la la la la.
Michael: (pretending to kick in a door) Boom! (holds up an imaginary gun) Detective Michael Scarn, I'm with the F.B.I.
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL
Michael: Think about this. What is the most exciting thing that can happen on TV or in movies or in real life? Somebody has a gun. That's why I always start with a gun, because you can't top it. You just can't.
CUT BACK TO CLASS
Lady: I'm supposed to meet my doctor here. Have you seen him? He's a very angry midget.
Michael: Boom! Freeze! Michael Scoon, F.B.I. You know what you did. (starts shooting) Boom! Boom! Boom! (the students that were shot lie down) Yeah, you thought you could get away with your little ruse didn't you? Didn't you? Well, you didn't. Because I know where you hid the diamonds. I've been on to you and your little friends for weeks. Boom! Boom! Boom!
Guy: I'm not even in the scene.
Michael: Boom! Boom! Boom!
Instructor: Stop, stop! Stop.
Michael: Boom!
Instructor: Okay, you shot me. Great. Stop.
Michael: Why...
Instructor: You can't just shoot everyone in the scene.
Michael: Well, if you hadn't stopped the scene, you would've seen where it was going.
Instructor: Okay. What about the scene the set up?
Michael: Boring.
Instructor: No, it wasn't. No more guns. No. No. Michael, I want you to give me all the guns you have. Just get rid of all your guns and give them to me. (Michael unloads all his imaginary guns) Great.
Michael: Bleh.
Instructor: Bleh. Okay.
CUT TO JIM'S HOUSE
(Pam is looking around a room)
(She turns around and sees the camera)
Pam: Jim's bedroom.
Jim: See, I knew we lost somebody on the tour.
Pam: Cool. This is your desk.
Jim: This is my desk.
Pam: Your home office?
Jim: Home office. This is it.
Pam: Yeah. You have to sit down so I can get the full effect.
Jim: Okay. Sure, will do.
Pam: Okay, wait. So that would make me...
(Pam sits down in a chair on the other side of Jim's bed)
Pam: Like right here.
Jim: Yeah. Yep, that feels about right.
Pam: Mm-hmm. And then Dwight would be like-
Jim: Um, you know what? Let's just leave that image out of it. Because this is a happy place. Happy thoughts, Pam. Happy thoughts.
Pam: Um...oh! Yearbook.
Jim: Yeah, you don't have to, um.
(Pam jumps up, grabs a book off of Jim's shelf and sits on his bed)
Jim: Alright, yes, that's not gonna be awkward at all.
Pam: (Laughing) Oh, no!
Jim: Oh, yeah.
Pam: You were so dorky!
Jim: Thank you.
(Pam continues to look at the yearbook, Jim watches her, realizes the camera's there, and tries to casually look away)
CUT TO THE IMPROV CLASS
(Bill and Marybeth are acting out a scene)
Instructor: Freeze!
Michael: I'm in.
Instructor: You want to go over the rules one more time?
Michael: No, no, no. I'm looking in my wallet for money so you can tell me my fortune.
(Bill is surprised, probably because he was expecting a gun)
Bill: I promise it's worth it. Oh, I can see you walking out of here, and you're thrilled with your reading.
Michael: What are you- (he can't think of anything to say)
(Michael leans forward and whispers something into Bill's ear)
(Bill reluctantly puts his arms in the air)
Instructor: Michael, what did you tell him?
Michael: Nothing.
Instructor: Then why are his hands up? Bill?
Bill: He told me he couldn't show it to me, but he has a gun.
Instructor: (sighs and rubs his forehead) Okay, let's call it a day.
Michael: Good. That was good. Good work, everybody.
CUT TO JIM'S HOUSE
(Jim is at the grill outside)
Jim: Angela, burger, dog? Having fun?
Angela: I got sap on me.
(Angela tries to scrap the sap off of her purple clogs)
Jim: Chicken, hot dog, burger.
Angela: I'm a vegetarian.
Jim: There's soda inside.
Stanley: I didn't think the premium laser color copy batch would sell as well as it did.
Oscar: It surprised us all. I'll tell you why, because-
Kelly: I'm sorry, guys, can we please not talk about paper? There's gotta be something else that we can talk about.
(They stand there trying to think of a new topic)
Stanley: Ahem.
CUT TO JIM'S LIVING ROOM
(Pam notices something outside, smiles to the camera, and nods her head to where she was looking)
(The camera pans to Dwight talking to Angela on the patio)
Angela: Um, I think it's alright. I mean, Jesus drank wine.
(The camera pans back to Pam, she smiles and nods her head)
Pam: Hmm. Hey, Phyllis. Come here for a second.
Phyllis: Sure.
Pam: Have you heard anything about any secret office romances or...
Phyllis: (smiles) You tell me.
(Pam looks at her confused)
Phyllis: Well, you do mean you and Jim, right?
(Pam is slightly taken aback by that comment, and glances at the camera)
Phyllis: Oh, God. I am so sorry, I mean, I thought, you guys hang out all the time. And you're talking all the time. I'm sorry, it's like-
Pam: (laughs it off) It's okay. It's okay.
CUT TO THE BACK YARD
(Kevin and Ryan are standing by the grill)
(Ryan reaches for the grill, Kevin slaps his hand)
Kevin: Ah! Not so fast, fire guy.
CUT TO MICHAEL'S IMPROV CLASS
(Everybody is leaving)
Marybeth: How do we get to Bernie's Tavern from here?
Bill: Oh, don't worry, we're all going to carpool
Michael: So, Bernie's, huh? We're all going to Bernie's?
Bill: Oh, uh, sorry. We're not going as a group. It's just a private friend who happens to know all of us from different ways is throwing a private birthday thing.
Michael: Right, right, right. Well, guys, I'd love to go to Bernie's with you but I have an office party. Big office party I need to go to. So, can't get out of it.
Bill: Good job.
Michael: Hey, see you later. Nice job Bill. (to camera) Not.
CUT BACK TO JIM'S PARTY
(Phyllis is at the karaoke machine singing to "Here I Go Again" by White Snake)
Phyllis: (singing meekly) Here I go again on my own. Going down the only road I've ever known.
Jim: Oh, hey, how's your new side project going?
Pam: Um, oh, yeah, I gave that up
Jim: Really?
Pam: Yeah. It turns out I was, um, just grasping at straws.
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM
Pam: Just becase two people are hanging out, it doesn't mean that they're together. You know? Like people can just be friends. And I think that it was really unfair of us to assume that there was anything else going on.
CUT BACK TO THE PARTY
(Kevin is now at the karaoke machine singing to "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor)
Kevin: Just turn around now, 'cause you're not welcome anymore. And I- and I've got all my l-
Dwight: Surprise!
(Michael walks in, Kevin stops singing and everybody stops talking)
Dwight: Everybody. (Phyllis tries to quietly explain to Dwight the situation)
Michael: Wow. Who opened the morgue for this thing? I was just driving by. Thought I'd drop in. Here's some wine. I would love a glass if you're gonna open it. Hello temp. Take my jacket. Ha ha ha! Oh, come on. That guy?
(The camera pans to the I.T. tech guy)
Michael: (to camera) He is a good guy. Not a terrorist. Yikes. Karaoke. I love it. I am a karaoke fiend! I call dibs, I've got next. I've got next up. Come on. Let's- Let's get this party started. Ha! Okay. Where's that wine?
CUT TO LATER AT THE PARTY
(Nobody is much in the celebrating mood anymore)
(Michael is at the karaoke machine)
Michael: Okay, this is a duet, so, somebody else? Pam, you want to...come up and sing this one. (Pam shakes her head) Need somebody else. Takers, please.
(Michael starts singing "Islands in the Stream" by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton)
Baby when I met you there was peace unknown
Michael: Kelly? (continues singing)
I tried to get you with a fine tooth comb
I was soft inside, there was something going on
Michael: This is the part that goes to the, uh, girl. (starts singing in a high pitched voice)
You do something to me that I can't explain
(Jim looks at Michael with pity and shakes his head)
Michael: (still singing high pitched)
Hold me closer and I feel no pain
Every beat of my heart
We've got something going on
(Jim gets up from his seat)
Michael: (singing)
Tender love is blind
(Jim stands behind Michael and starts singing)
It requires a dedication
All this love we feel needs no conversation
Divided together, uh-huh
(Jim smiles and shrugs at Pam, she smiles back at him and laughs)
Making love with each other, uh-huh
Michael: We're making love!
(The camera slowly zooms past Jim and Michael to a small play house in the back yard)
(A pair of Birkenstocks and a pair of purple clogs can be seen sticking out of the house caressing each other)
Michael and Jim: (singing) (VO)
Islands in the stream
That is what we are
No one in-between
How can we be wrong
Sail away with me
CUT TO EARLIER AT MICHAEL'S IMPROV CLASS
(Michael is pointing his imaginary gun at somebody on the floor)
Michael: Talk! Just talk!
Guy on floor: I am-
Michael: Shut up!
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL AT HIS CLASS
Michael: Funny story. They way I got into improv was, I got into improv, the story about me getting into improv was, that I was walking down the street and a race car pulls up. And the guy says, "Hey, you're funny, you're the funniest guy I've ever seen. Or my name is not Dale Earnhardt. (laughs) And that was an improv. Um, the real way was that I found a flyer.
THE END
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Transcribed by NIKKI
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