The Office [US] Transcripts
The Office: An American Workplace
2x05: HALLOWEEN
Original Air Date (NBC): 18/OCT/2005
Writer: Greg Daniels
Director: Paul Feig
Guest star: Angela Kinsey (Angela), Creed Bratton (Creed [Uncredited]), Phyllis Smith (Phyllis), Mindy Kaling (Kelly), Oscar Nunez (Oscar), Brian Baumgartner (Kevin), Leslie David Baker (Stanley) , Devon Abner (Devon [Uncredited])
Transcript by Nikki
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DISCLAIMER:
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"THE OFFICE" and other related entities are owned by NBC, blah blah blah
I do not own the characters in the story (if only)
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OPENING CREDITS
INT. THE OFFICE
(Phyllis is touching up her makeup, she has drawn on whiskers, leopard print shirt and scarf, and a matching kitty ears headband)
(Devon is dressed as a hobo, and Creed is dressed as a vampire)
CUT TO RECEPTION
(Pam's outfit is similar to Phyllis', except she is wearing all black and a turtle neck instead of a scarf)
(Michael walks in)
Michael: Happy Halloween, everyone. Oh, (points to Pam's kitty ears) that's great.
Pam: Hey, Happy Halloween. Jan called.
(Michael's mood is broken, as he glances at the camera and goes into his office)
Michael: Ohh, 'kay.
CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Michael: I know, why she's calling. It's the end of the month, and I was supposed to let somebody go by the end of the month. (sighs) And somehow I'm supposed to put on a costume and smile. (turns on his speaker phone and dials a number) Okay.
Sherri: (on phone) Jan Levinson's office.
Michael: Hey, Sherri, Michael Scott returning.
Sherri: Oh, she's in a meeting. Ah, she just wanted the name of the employee you let go.
Michael: Well, I'm going to wait 'till the end of the day. Because the book said it's best to wait until the end of the day.
Sherri: I just need the name of who you're planning to let go.
Michael: I...don't...know...yet. I will have to call her back.
Sherri: I know she wanted the name.
Michael: Okay, Sherri?
Sherri: Yeah?
Michael: If you were getting fired, how would you wanna be told so you could still be friends with the person firing you?
Sherri: Jan wants the name as soon as possible, Michael.
Michael: Thanks.
Sherri: Mmm-hmm.
Michael: I'll call her back. (quietly) Wish I could fire Sherri.
Sherri: Hey, I'm still here.
Michael: Okay. I'm sorry.
Sherri: Yeah.
Michael: No?
Sherri: Okay.
Michael: Bye.
Sherri: Hanging up now.
(Michael hangs up the phone, looks at camera)
CUT TO INTRO WITH CREDITS
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE
(Michael has a Paper-mache head of himself on his right shoulder)
(He is messaging the bridge of his nose)
Michael: (to camera) I mean you hear about lay offs in the news, but when you actually have to do it yourself, it is heavy stuff. It's...I mean, these are people's lives you're talking about.
(Pam knocks on the door and walks in)
Pam: You wanted me?
Michael: Yes.
(Michael starts moving his shoulder, causing the head to bob up and down)
Pam: Paper-mâché?
Michael: Yes.
Pam: Hmm.
Michael: Yesh. (laughs lightly) Um, Pam, I have to let somebody go, today. This is, uh, the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pam: Why did you put it off until Halloween?
Michael: Because it's very scary stuff.
Pam: I think it's gonna put a damper on the party a little.
Michael: You're worried about the party? There's a man's life at stake here.
Pam: (OS) So it's a man?
Michael: No. Or a woman. A human life. If you had to guess, who it would be, based on, their job performance? And who do you think deserved to be fired? Who would that be?
Pam: I just answer the phone.
Michael: And, sometimes you just let it go to voicemail.
Pam: (gets a little scared) (changes the subject) Your costume, is fantastic! (laughs)
Michael: (ego inflated) I know. I sent away for it in July from a catalog.
(Michael starts bobbing his head around, causing the other head to dance around)
Pam: Oh no, don't, don't, don't, don't.
(Michael laughs)
Pam: (playfully) Aah! (laughs, then leaves) Okay.
Michael: Oh, man. Okay, I have to fire somebody.
CUT TO JIM AND DWIGHT'S DESK AREA
(Dwight is wearing a black robe and pushing his pop out toy light saber back in)
(Jim is walking by Phyllis' desk, looking in her candy bin, he has three big black dots on the right side of his torso)
Dwight: What is that? (Jim holds up a candy questioningly) What are you supposed to be?
(Jim puts the candy back and looks at his shirt)
Jim: I'm a three hole punch version of Jim. 'cause you can have me either way. Plain white Jim, or three-hole punch.
Phyllis: (laughs) That's great.
Jim: (OS) Oh, yeah.
Dwight: Yeah, well, look, what about me?
(Dwight puts his hood on and pops out his light saber, making the saber sounds)
Phyllis: What are you? A monk?
Dwight: (upset) I am Sith Lord.
(Phyllis turns back around, Jim gives Dwight a sorry look)
Dwight: Oh big deal. Three round pieces of paper taped to his shirt. This cost me $129.
Phyllis: Ass.
CUT TO ACCOUNTING
(Kevin is dressed in a black and red spandex, super hero outfit)
(Michael walks up)
Michael: Hey, you guys excited about the party?
(Oscar is dressed in a blond wig and flower dress, Angela is dressed in all white, with a tutu and cat ears)
Angela: Yeah
Michael: It's going to be fun.
(Kevin turns around and gives a superhero pose)
Kevin: Yeah.
Michael: (to Oscar) Oh, looks at you. Showing your colors. Bet you wish you wore a dress every day.
Oscar: (smile fading) What are you implying?
Michael: All good, Happy Halloween. What happened to all those spooky decorations that we had? The cobwebs and such?
Angela: You know, I don't know. We put them all up last night.
CUT TO THE OFFICE LAST NIGHT
(A custodian is vacuuming the reception area, sees the webs and sucks them all into the vacuum)
CUT BACK TO ACCOUNTING
Michael: Well, you know what? Go buy some more. I'll approve the overages. Sound good?
Angela: Yeah.
Michael: Good. (starts to walk away, then turns around) Oh, yeah, also, about budget stuff. Um, I going to need you to find, like a, a full employee salary, plus benefits, like fifty grand. I'm going to need you to find 50 grand in the numbers.
Angela: But we don't keep two sets of books.
Michael: Well, that's not what I'm saying. Just, you know, find it. Pretend that your jobs depend on it.
(Michael walks away)
CUT TO THE KITCHEN AREA
(Michael walks in, Kelly is at the fridge, dressed as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz)
Michael: (laughs) Mmm-hm-hmm. Interesting take on Dorothy, I love it. Hey, you know what would even be better? Soccer ball and cleats.
Kelly: (confused) Why is that?
Michael: Bend It Like Beckham.
Kelly: Oh, like the movie about the Indian girl who plays soccer?
Michael: (laughs) Yeah. That would be perfect.
Kelly: Yeah, I mean, I guess I could do that. I don't really play soccer or anything.
Michael: Well, I don't really have two heads, so...
CUT TO RECEPTION
(Jim and Dwight are leaning over the counter)
Dwight: Wait, what are you again? Oh, right. Three hole PUNCH! (hits Jim in the chest and cracks up laughing)
(Jim doesn't laugh but looks at the camera stone faced)
CUT TO LATER AT RECEPTION
(Dwight is at his desk on the phone)
(Pam is on her computer, Jim is standing behind her, leaning down)
Pam: (in a low voice) Okay, greatest strength.
Jim: (whispering) Okay, okay.
Pam: A dog like obedience to authority.
Jim: Nice.
Pam: But that doesn't sound good.
Jim: Okay, okay. Um, how 'bout, the ultimate team player?
(They both laugh silently as Pam types something into the computer)
Jim: (VO) Dwight is special.
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM
Jim: But, I don't believe his talents are being used in this office. So Pam and I have put his resume on Monster.com, Google, Craig's List. We're really interested most in jobs that take Dwight out of state. Um, preferably Alaska, or India.
CUT BACK TO RECEPTION
Pam: He's a gun nut.
Jim: Um, he sticks to his guns.
(Pam laughs and Jim smiles)
CUT TO ACCOUNTING
Angela: Well, I looked through all the budgets. And there is one department...
Oscar: Yes?
Angela: ...that has three people...
Oscar: Yeah?
Angela: ...doing the work, that could be done by two.
Oscar: This is great.
(Angela slowly shakes her head)
(Oscar looks around)
Oscar: Oh.
Kevin: (knowingly) Yeah. (with emphasis) Oh.
CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE
(Michael is at his desk, Dwight is leaning over it, with his hood up)
Michael: Who do you think it should be?
Dwight: (quickly) Jim. Definitely.
Michael: No, Jim brings in money.
Dwight: Phyllis.
Michael: Eh.
Dwight: Stanley. Pam. Oscar. Meredith.
(Michael crosses his arms and looks up at Dwight)
Dwight: Kevin. Angela.
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL
Michael: It's not a popularity contest, although it does make sense to fire the least popular. Because, it has the least effect on morale.
CUT BACK TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Dwight: One of the warehouse guys.
(Michael turns to his second head)
Michael: (to the fake head) What? There was someone left off that list? Who? (pretends to listen to the fake head)
Dwight: Who is he saying? (does an exhale that sounds like Darth Vader)
Michael: You're right, I didn't even think of him.
(The camera is focused on the profile of Dwight's head now. With his hood up, all you can see is Dwight's nose, mouth and chin)
Dwight: (forcefully) No, Michael.
Michael: Yeah, that's actually a really good idea.
Dwight: (gruffly) No, not me.
Michael: Yeah I could.
Dwight: (threateningly) Not Dwight.
Michael: (obviously playing with Dwight) I'm not saying that's what he said.
Dwight: I know that's what he said.
Michael: (puts his head next to his fake one) What?
Dwight: (OS) Tell him, not Dwight.
Michael: That is not a very nice thing to say about him.
Dwight: Tell him to stop.
Michael: Are you kidding?
Dwight: Quiet you.
Michael: (to second head) I agree. He'd land on his feet.
Dwight: Make him be quiet.
CUT TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM
(Pam is unwrapping a plate, Angela walks in)
Angela: Those aren't chips and dip.
Pam: No, I made brownies.
(Angela scoffs)
Pam: What?
Angela: I'm just trying to figure out why you're sabotaging things.
Pam: I made brownies.
Angela: And I made cookies. Same category.
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM
Pam: I'm guessing Angela's the one in the neighborhood who gives the trick-or-treaters some toothbrushes. Pennies. Walnuts.
CUT TO THE OFFICE
(Jim s working at his desk, Pam is at reception)
Pam: (on phone) Dunder Mifflin this is Pam. (listens) Uh, yeah. (snaps her fingers in the air, trying to get Jim's attention) Just one second. (Jim looks) I will, uh, transfer you to our manager, Michael Scott.
Jim: Um...(his phone rings) Whoa.
(Jim exhales briefly, preparing himself, then picks up the phone)
Jim: Michael Scott here. Yes, I am regional manager of this orifice. (Pam laughs at her desk) Mmm-hmm. Dwight Schrute, is, amazing. Yeah. No, he is actually the single greatest employee of his generation. (looks at camera) Mmm-hmm. You know what? I'm gonna tell you what. You hire Dwight K. Schrute, and he does not meet, nay, exceed every one of your wildest expectations, well then, you can hold me, Michael Gary Scott, personally and financially responsible. Okay. Okay. Okay-kay-kay-kay-kay. Okay. (hangs up the phone)
(Pam has an ecstatic expression on her face)
(Pam and Jim give each other an air five over the distance)
CUT TO LATER IN THE OFFICE
(Dwight walks up to Stanley)
Dwight: Stanley, could you come with me, please.
Stanley: No. (continues dialing a number on his phone)
(Dwight hangs up his phone)
Dwight: As assistant regional manager-
Stanley: To the-
Dwight: Look. I've got some bad news. You're fired. You need to pack up your things and go.
(Stanley starts laughing)
Dwight: I'm serious, Stanley. It's over, I'm sorry.
Stanley: (laughs) You're fired. Get your fingers off my phone. (Dwight obliges, Stanley laughs harder)
(Phyllis starts laughing)
CUT TO THE ENTRANCE OF MICHAEL'S OFFICE
(Dwight walks up, Michael peeks out)
Michael: So, how did it go with Stanley? How-how'd he take it?
Dwight: He wouldn't listen to me
Michael: Oh, come on.
Dwight: If you want to fire him, you're going to have to tell him yourself.
Michael: I don't wanna fire Stanley, I never said that. (glances at camera) I'm certainly not going to do it myself. Get those big, baleful, eyes staring at me. Yikes. Just, okay, just...(waves Dwight off)
CUT TO DWIGHT AT HIS DESK
(Dwight is talking on the phone, leaning down to get as much privacy as he can)
Dwight: Cumberland Mills? (whispering) How did you get my resume? (in the background Pam smiles at Jim and continues listening to Dwight) Oh no, no. I'm very flattered. Don't get me wrong. I'm just not sure that it's my official resume or if it's something that maybe a satisfied customer posted online. What does it say under martial arts training? Oh, okay, I'm gonna have to supplement that. Could I have your fax number? (VO) Would I ever leave this company?
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF DWIGHT
(He has his hood up and we finally get a good look at his Sith make up)
Dwight: Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact I feel like part of what I'm getting paid for here is my loyalty.
(Quick cut to Dwight trying to secretly fax his new resume, Pam is trying to casually lurk nearby)
Dwight: (VO) But, if there were somewhere else that valued that loyalty more highly, I'm going wherever they value loyalty the most.
CUT TO KITCHEN AREA
(Ryan is headed towards the men's room)
(Oscar comes out of the bathroom)
Oscar: Oh, hey.
Ryan: Oh, your dress is stuck in the back. Kind of just...
Oscar: Oh. (Oscar un-tucks his dress)
CUT TO RECEPTION
(Jim is leaning over the counter, him and Pam are trying to listen to Dwight on the phone)
Dwight: So you got the fax? So why didn't you add it to the res- (listens) What do you mean? Of course martial arts training is relevant.
(Jim and Pam look at each other smiling and trying not to laugh)
Dwight: Oh, excuse me! I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ.
(Jim looks at the camera as if to say, "see what I have to put up with")
Dwight: Uh, yeah, I get a little frustrated when I'm dealing with incompetence. Well, you know what? You can go to hell too. And I will see you there...burning. Fine! Okay, wait. So you'll let me know when you've made a decis- (stops and hangs up phone)
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF PAM
Pam: Jim is really talented. And he should be the one who's getting a better job offer. Like, for real.
CUT TO RECEPTION
(Jim is still leaning over the counter)
Pam: (to Jim) Don't take this the wrong way, but, you should go for that job.
Jim: (thinks about it) Um...it's in Maryland.
Pam: Yeah, but I mean, look at the salary. And it's definitely a step up. And a challenge.
Jim: (has a morose face) Yeah. (is silent for a while) Yeah, you know what? Maybe...maybe I will. (starts walking back to his desk)
Pam: (sees Jim's reaction) Jim...
CUT TO DWIGHT STANDING OUTSIDE OF MICHAEL'S DOOR
Dwight: (to camera) This is called, leveraging an offer. (knocks and walks in) Michael, can I talk to you for a moment?
Michael: Oh, God.
Dwight: I just thought you should know, that I was just offered a job with better pay, better benefits and a better title at Cumberland Mills.
Michael: Fantastic.
Dwight: And I turned it down.
Michael: What? That would've solved all my problems.
Dwight: Out of loyalty to this company...
Michael: (pained) Oh, you idiot.
Dwight: ...so I was hoping to be made assistant regional manager officially.
Michael: If you left, I wouldn't have to fire anybody
Dwight: But then you wouldn't have me here.
Michael: Big deal, oh, it would've worked out so well. Can you get it back?!
Dwight: It's in Maryland.
Michael: You can call, can you call 'em?
Dwight: I can't, I-I suppose, I coul-, no. They never really made me an offer anyway.
Michael: OOOOHH! Why are you torturing me?
(Dwight looks at the camera, it didn't go as he had hoped)
Michael: God.
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM
Jim: Honestly, I don't think that Michael has the slightest clue of who he's going to fire. I think he keeps hoping that someone's going to volunteer. Uh, or be run over by a bus before the deadline. But in the end, really, what's going to happen is it's gonna be the first person to give him a dirty look in the hall. (clicks his tongue) And therein lies the true essence of his charisma.
(Someone clears thier throat in the doorway)
(The camera pans around to show Michael in the doorway)
Michael: (he does not look pleased) Can I speak to you a minute?
Jim: Um...yes. (Jim looks at the camera a little worried)
CUT TO THE OFFICE AREA
(Michael walks to his office, taking off his second head in the process, he closes the blinds)
(Jim follows, quickly glancing at Pam with a grim look on his face)
(Pam looks at both of them with an alarmed, worried look on her face)
(Michael's door closes)
(Dwight smugly puts his hood on and makes a throat slitting gesture to Pam)
(Pam looks at Dwight, then looks at Michael's office once again, more worried)
CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Jim: Michael, I really didn't mean to-
Michael: Help, me.
Jim: I'm sorry?
Michael: I want you to role play firing me. I want you to fire me, and I will take it.
Jim: Oh, you want me to be you?
Michael: Yes.
Jim: Okay.
Michael: I want you to be me, and I will be Creed.
Jim: Oh, are you firing Creed?
Michael: No, no. No, that's just the first, thing...can't, in head.
Jim: We should switch seats in order to...
Michael: Yes, that's a good idea.
Jim: Alright.
(They get up and switch seats)
Jim: Excuse me.
(They sit down)
Jim: (pushes a box of tissue across the desk) I'm really sorry, but I have to let you go. And it's purely budgetary, it's not personal-
Michael: (starts banging the desk) Aaaahh! I'm gonna kill myself!
Jim: Wow.
Michael: I'm going to kill myself, and it's your fault!
Jim: That's an overreaction.
Michael: Corporate is really breathing down my neck. And they're saying this has to be done by the end of the month.
Jim: Is this you? Are you being you, or is this Creed? Are you-
Michael: I, this is Creed.
Jim: Okay.
Michael: I'm improvising, so just try to keep up.
(The phone rings)
Jim: Oh, hold that thought. Hold that thought.
Michael: And I'm very angry, and I want...
Jim: (picks up the phone) Michael Scott here.
Michael: I'm gonna kill you for firing me.
Jim: Toby? Mm hmm. (to Michael) I really have to take this Creed, so it was really worth-
Michael: Get off, get off. No, no.
(Jim puts the phone down and leaves, Michael sits back down at his desk and hangs the phone up)
Michael: Just, just, yeah. (Waves Jim off)
CUT TO OUTSIDE OF MICHAEL'S OFFICE
(Jim walks out, Pam quickly walks up and grabs his hand in both of hers)
Pam: What happened?
Jim: It wasn't me.
Pam: Oh. That was like crazy. 'Cause I was...
(Jim pulls away and starts walking to the kitchen, still slightly upset Pam)
Jim: Yeah, I know.
(Pam stands there, sees Michael come out of his office and walks off)
Michael: Uh, hey, uh, Creed?
Creed: (with vampire teeth in his mouth) Huh?
Michael: Could I talk to you for a second?
(Creed takes off his glasses and takes out his fake teeth)
CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Michael: You are great. Very ambitious. And I feel like you want more than this little office has to offer. And I understand that you'd wanna just spread your wings, and fly the coop.
Creed: What are you telling me?
Michael: I, we're gonna have to...You-you want something better.
Creed: No, I don't. I wanna stay right here.
Michael: No, you wanna leave.
Creed: No, I wanna stay here.
Michael: Why, why are you making this so hard?
Creed: Um, I think there's a misunderstanding, Michael.
Michael: I think you're right.
Creed: Can I go?
Michael: No, of course, you can't go. We haven't even started this horrible process of...okay, Creed. I need to let somebody go today. They told me I need to let somebody go. And as much as I think you're a great guy, and I like you, you're-you're, good-bye.
Creed: Let's fight it.
Michael: Hmm?
Creed: Let's call Jan and fight this thing together like the old days.
Michael: What old days? What are you talking about?
Creed: Did you start the paperwork yet?
Michael: It's right here on the desk, yeah.
Creed: You don't have to do this Michael.
Michael: I can't, I can't...
Creed: (suddenly) Undo it!
(Michael is a bit taken aback by Creed)
CUT TO OUTSIDE OF MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Michael: (through the door) I can't change anything.
(Everybody is watching the door and listening from their desks)
Michael: (OS) This is the way-
Creed: (OS) No, you have the power to undo it.
Michael: (OS) I don't, okay, just listen.
Creed: (OS) Michael, undo it!
Michael: (OS) Don't...
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL
Michael: Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot the deer in the leg, had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?
CUT BACK TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Michael: I have to fire someone today. Okay?
Creed: Fine. Fire someone else. Fire Devon, he's terrible. I am so much better at my job than Devon.
Michael: Okay, well, I already picked you. And you know that. So, unless I just go through with this, you're always gonna look at me as the guy who almost fired you.
Creed: No, no, no, no, no, I will forget so fast. You will be my savior. You're they guy who gave me my life back. Thank you.
(Michael is silent)
Creed: I knew you'd see it my way Michael, (stands up and does a little bow) God Bless you. You're a fine man.
Michael: Don't...
Creed: Listen, you will not regret this either. Devon's terrible, no one's gonna miss him. (imitates Jimmy Durante) Good, good, good.
CUT TO OUTSIDE MICHAEL'S OFFICE
(Creed walks out, looks at everybody and walks to his desk)
(Michael walks out)
Michael: Devon, could I talk to you for a sec?
CUT TO MICHAEL'S OFFICE
Devon: Creed's an idiot, you know that.
Michael: Well, he...
Devon: No, no, no, no, no. You had it right the first time.
Michael: Well, maybe I did.
Devon: Exactly. You gotta go with your gut man.
Michael: Huh, well...no. I can't, no. I can't go back. I would look like an idiot.
Devon: That's why I'm being fired?
Michael: No.
Devon: So you might not look like an idiot?
Michael: No. It was all the stuff that I said. It was business downturn, the cutbacks, and, and...
Devon: This is unbelievable!
Michael: I just hope that you and I can remain friends.
(Devon gives him an unbelieving, "you're an idiot" look)
CUT TO THE OFFICE
(Everyone is watching Michael's door)
(Devon walks out quickly, Michael is following him)
Michael: Devon wait, please. (Devon stops and turns around) Look, look. In addition to severance, and everything, I want to give you (takes out his wallet) this gift certificate to Chili's. From me. Okay? No hard feelings.
(Devon takes the certificate and tears it up)
Devon: Kevin, Jim, Pam, Kelly, Toby, Oscar, Meredith, Phyllis, Stanley, or the temp. If any of you wanna meet me for a drink, I'm going to be a Poor Richard's. And the rest of you can go to hell. (he goes out the door)
(Everybody starts walking out with thier coats)
Angela: What about the Halloween party?
(Everybody ignores her and continues walking, including Jim)
Pam: Oh, hey, Jim. Wait, stop. (Jim stops) Um, I'm sorry...for pushing you towards Cumberland.
(Jim gives her a "it's no problem" look)
Pam: Seriously, if you left here, I would blow my brains out.
(Jim chuckles and smiles, they both laugh)
Jim: Come on.
(Pam grabs her jacket and turns off her computer)
Jim: (VO) That's just a figure of speech, you know? Blow your brains out? Come on. All it really means is that we're friends.
(Pam grabs her purse and walks out the door smiling at Jim along the way, Jim smiles back at her)
Jim: (VO) I mean, who else is she gonna talk to...
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF JIM
Jim: ...if I'm gone, right? I mean, if she left, I wouldn't blow my brains out. Of course, I would take that job in Maryland. Because it's double the pay, and soft shell crab just happens to be my favorite food.
CUT TO THE PARKING LOT
(Devon takes a pumpkin and smashes it on the windshield of Michael's car)
(He takes a broken piece and smashes it against the top)
CUT TO THE OFFICE
(Michael is on the floor picking up the certificate that Devon tore up)
Michael: (VO) I love Halloween. You know, it's just, it's just fun. Every year, it's just fun.
(Michael puts his second head back in his bowling bag)
Michael: (VO) Last Halloween I came as Janet Jackson's boob. (scoffs) It was topical.
(Michael is the last one to leave as he gets off the elevator and walks past the security guard)
Michael: (VO) People got a big kick out of it. The year before that, I came as Monica Lewinsky. And I wore a stained dress.
(Michael is in the parking lot, brushing the pumpkin bits off his car)
Michael: (VO) The year before that, I also came as Monica Lewinsky. And before that, I was O.J. It was pretty funny.
CUT TO INDIVIDUAL SHOT OF MICHAEL
Michael: Oh, I wish you were here last year.
CUT TO OUTSIDE MICHAEL'S CONDO
(The camera is filming from afar)
(Michael is drudging up to his door)
(Cut to later, the camera is filming some spyshots)
(Michael is sitting on his couch, alone, in contemplative repose)
(The doorbell rings, Michael gets up to answer it)
Children: Trick or treat!
Michael: Hey, how you doing? Wow! You guys looks great.
Kid: I'm a bumble bee.
Michael: (guileless, laughing) You look great! (grabs a bag of candy) And you're a princess?
Kid: A fairy princess.
Michael: A fairy princess, you're...
Kid: I'm a lion.
(Michael is trying to open the bag of candy)
Michael: You're a lion. Wow, I want to hear your...Oh!
(The bag tears open, spilling candy)
Michael: Oh, okay, that's all yours. That's all yours.
(The kids giggle and bend down to start picking up the candy, Michael joins them)
Michael: (playfully) Grab it, grab it. You know what? You guys are getting all of these.
(The kids giggle)
(Fade to black)
THE END
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Transcribed by NIKKI
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