South Park Transcripts
South Park
2X11: Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods
ORIGINAL AIR DATE: 9/2/1998
TV
Man: Well detective it looks like you fooled them again.
Detective: Well then it is work I guess. I just hope that next time, I don't have to run so much.
Cheesy music comes on with the credits
Classroom
Mr.Garrison turns the TVShow off
Mr.Garrison: Ok children, what do you think Barneby Jones meant when he said this is not a victimless crime?
Silence
Mr.Garrison: Anybody? Children, were you paying attention?
Kyle: Mr.Garrison, we've been watching Barneby Jones repeats for 8 days now. It's hard to keep paying attention.
Mr.Garrison: Oh well excuse me Kyle. Why don't you just forget what Barneby Jones has to say. Why don't you not pay attention to Barneby Jones and let's see how far you get in society. Ok Stanley, why don't you tell us how Barneby Jones knew the poison was in the milk.
Stan: Can't we just be like normal third graders for a little while?
Mr.Garrison: Oh and what do you consider normal?
Stan: I dunno, like learn about Art and Music and go on field trips and stuff.
Class: Yeah!!
Mr.Garrison: Well Mr.Smartypants, it just so happens we ARE going on a field trip tomorrow.
Class: Hooray!
Kyle: To where?
Mr.Garrison: To the planetarium.
Class: Awww....
Cartman: Planetarium sucks.
Mr.Garrison: Aw now what's wrong with the planetarium?
Stan: It's boring!
Kyle: Yeah, all the constillations look alike!
Mr.Garrison: Well too bad. You're all going to the planetarium tomorrow and you're all going to love it. In the meantime we're going to watch episode number 203, Barneby Under Siege.
He puts in a tape and a Cheesy Poof Commercial comes up
Mr.Garrison: Oh sorry, I taped these at home so there's more commercials.
Cheesy Poof Guy: Hey kids, do you love Cheesy Poofs?
Class: Yes.
Cheesy Poof Guy: Well Cheesy Poofs is looking for a kid to sing the happy Cheesy Poof song. Watch for our talent van as it goes around the country!
Cartman: I can sing the cheesy poof song!
Cheesy Poof Guy: If you win, you can be picked to be in our next Cheesy Poof commercial! So remember starts singing I love cheesy poofs, you love cheesy poofs, if we didn't eat cheesy poofs we'd be lame...
Bus
Mr.Garrison: Ok children let's quiet down, so the bus driver can consentrate on the road.
Ms.Crabtree: That ain't how you do it! It goes like this! SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!!!!!
Bus is silenced
Mr.Garrison: Ow....geezes lady!
She stops the bus really fast and all the children fly out of their seats
Ms.Crabtree: THERE'S THE PLANETARIUM WATCH YOUR STEP ON THE WAY DOWN SO NOT TO HURT YOURSELF!
Some kid: Owww...
Outside the Planetarium
Mr.Garrison: Ok children, now I'm going to remind you this is a planetarium. Not a bancock bravo. Let's behave ourselves.
Cheesy Poof Guy is standing with his van
Cheesy Poof Guy: Does your kid have what it takes to be the next Cheesy Poofs anthem singer?
Cartman: Hey there it is!
Cheesy Poof Guy: We're going around the country trying to find the kid who can sing the Cheesy Poof Song better than anybody.
Cartman: I can sing the cheesy poof song with both hands tied behind my back!
Kyle: You couldn't get both your arms behind your back fatass!
Mr.Garrison: Come on Eric, we're going to the planetarium.
Cartman: But I have to go sing the cheesy poof song for that talent vaaann!!!!
Mr.Garrison: No you have to in this building and see a bunch of stupid stars, now come on.
Cartman: But I wanna sing the cheesy poof song!!! You guys seriously!!!!
Inside the Planetarium
Dr.Adams: Hello children, my name is Dr.Adams. Welcome to the plane-arium.
Kyle: I thought it was planeTArium.
Dr.Adams: Well it is, but I have a bone disease, which impedes me to pronounce the T in plane-arium.
Mr.Garrison: That's a pretty weird bone disease.
Dr.Adams: Yes perhaps some day I can get a bone marrow transplant.
Cartman raises his hand
Dr.Adams: Yes little boy?
Cartman: How long is that Cheesy Poof van gonna be outside?
Dr.Adams: Well I don't know, but anyway boys and girls soon you'll be witnessing the wonders of the universe. But first I wanna show you how the plane-arium works.
Cartman: As if we care.
A little girl approaches
Kyle: Hey who are you?
Dr.Adams: That....little Missy here runs the big projector for us.
Missy: I love my work.
Stan: Whoa dude, you're only as old as us. Shouldn't you be in school?
Missy: I love my work.
Stan and Kyle give each other looks
Dr.Adams: Come on, let's get into the plane-arium shall we?
Inside the Star room
Dr.Adams: Goodmorning children and welcome to the plane-arium. We're going on a fascinating ride through the universe. So I advise you to lean back in your chairs and get comfortable.
The chairs lean back
Stan: This is stupid.
Dr.Adams: And now I'm going to dim the lights, and let the stars....come out.
Kyle: Whoopee...
Dr.Adams: Here we see the constellation called the Big Dipper. If I project the drawing of a big dipper on top of it, we see where the constillation gets its name. These stars over here form the constellation of taurus, the bull. While these stars form the constellation Roger Ebert.
Roger Ebert's face is shown
Dr.Adams: And these two little stars over here form the constellation, the Crusades.
The Crusades are shown with a bunch of people everywhere in a detailed drawing
Dr.Adams: Now stars are actually made of hot gas. Which is exactly what comes out of my neighbor's mouth...
Cartman: Ah man screw this.
He leaves the planetarium
Dr.Adams increases the intensity level
Dr.Adams: Now breath deep as the stars slowly start to move in little circles. I know that you think plane-ariums are boring, but I'm gonna try to change the way you think about that.
The kids are all dazed by the stars moving around
Outside near the Poof van
Some kid: ...love cheesy poofs, if we didn't eat cheesy poofs we'd be lame.
Cheesy Poof Guy: That was great Tommy. Tommy Fresc from Tory Pines, he could be our winner.
Cartman: Excuse me but I do believe that sucked ass.
Cheesy Poof Guy: Oh, and what's your name little boy?
Cartman: Eric Cartman.
Cheesy Poof Guy: Alright here's Eric Cartman giving it a shot.
Cartman pushes Tommy out of the way
Cartman: Ahem.... starts singing I love Cheesy Poofs, you love Cheesy Poofs, if we didn't eat Cheesy Poofs, we'd be laaaameee! I'm talking nightcourt in a thrift season laaameeahhh!
Cheesy Poof Guy: Wow!
Cartman: Ah drop sucker on that!
Ouside the Planetarium
All the kids and Mr.Garrison come out
Mr.Garrison: Well kids how did you like the planetarium?
Kyle: Oh man I don't feel so good.
Stan: Me neither, but I loved the planetarium.
Kyle: Me too! It was sweet!
Mr.Garrison: Really? What did you like best about it?
Kyle: I don't know.
Stan: I don't even remember what happened!
Mr.Garrison: Wait a minute, where's Eric?
Cartman approaches
Cartman: I did it! I did it!
Kyle: Did what?
Cartman: I got a callback for the cheesy poof song!
Mr.Garrison: You snuck off and sang that stupid song?
Cartman: Yeah dude, but I got in the finals for tomorrow!
Dr.Adams comes out
Dr.Adams: Goodbye children, thanks for visiting. Don't forget we have laser rock shows tonight at the plane-arium. This week is laser Kenny Logins and laser James Taylor.
Bus
Kyle: My head still feels funny.
Stan: Yeah me too.
Cartman: You guys, when I'm doing that Cheesy Poof commercial, I bet I get all the Cheesy Poofs I want.
Kyle: Like you really need it hippoass.
Cartman: It's sad how jealous you are Kyle, it really is.
Some kid from the planetarium pops out of a seat
Kid: Ohaaahhh!!!
Kyle: Ahh dude! Who the hell are you?
Kid: My name is Van Gather...
Stan: Van Gather? What the hell you doing on our bus? Mr.Garrison there's some freaky kid from the planetarium on our bus!
Mr.Garrison: Oh great then I guess we'll have to go back.
Van: No! Don't go back! No!
Cartman: Hey be careful asshole!
Van: Please don't take me back there! Can't...can't...
Stan: Alright dude, mellow out, geez.
Van: Ahhh...
He faints
Mr.Garrison: We better get him to the nurse's office, stacked!
Nurse's Office
Van is lying on the table
Van: Yaaaahh!!! Planetarium...ahh!
Nurse Gollum: I'll give him a pain killer. That should calm him down.
Van: No no no pain killer! I'll be ok!
Mr.Mackey: Oh um ok, Van Galder, I'm counselor Mackey, have you been smoking marijuna? Marijuana's bad, mmkay?
Van: Must tell...the machine..the machine is eee...
Mr.Mackey: Well I've never seen anything like this. What do you think Principal?
Principal Victoria: Well whatever happened to him, happened at the planetarium.
Van: Ahh planetarium!
Principal Victoria: I think tonight the planetarium's doing laser Logins, I might have to check it out.
Van: Ahh!
Planetarium
Cheesy rocknroll music is playing while a bunch of stupid laser things are shown
Principal Victoria: Oh man this is boring.
Guy next to her: Yeah, who the heck finds this stuff interesting?
Hippie with White Shirt: Dude this is totally killer.
Tye Dye Shirt Hippie: I hope this goes on for 7 months or something.
Dr.Adams is shown rising the intensity level
Dr.Adams: You will not remember what happens here. To remember it will cause incredible pain. Incredible pain. Incredible icky pain!
Hippie With Tye Dye Shirt: Dude, I'm totally tripping...
Everyone's eyes go into a daze
Cut to Commercial
Classroom
Mr.Garrison: Today children we are going to learn about Japenese poems called haikus. A haiku is just like a normal American poem except that it doesn't rhyme and it's totally stupid. For example...uh where's Eric Cartman?
Stan: That's a haiku?
Mr.Garrison: No I'm asking why Eric Cartman isn't at school.
Stan: Oh.
Mr.Garrison: Was he on the school bus this morning?
Stan: No.
Kyle starts moving his fingers doing a haiku
Kyle: Fatass Cartman...was not on the school bus today....what a big fat turd.
Mr.Garrison: Oh, very good haiku Kyle. Yes, haikus have five syllables, then seven, then five. Kenny, can you give us another example?
Kenny: When I get blowjobs....that I cum through discharging...that's the way to fuck.
Stan: What's a discharge?
Kyle: Mr.Garrison, since haikus suck so much ass, can we go back to the planitarium again?
Stan: Yeah I wanna go to the planetarium again too!
Mr.Garrison: But you were just there, why do you wanna go again so soon?
Silence
Stan: Yeah, why DO we wanna go again so soon?
Kyle: I dunno. I just have this sudden urge to go back.
Mr.Garrison: Well I guess we could go again since it's just down the street.
Cartman comes in
Cartman: Well hello, it's all my little friends with all their little dreams.
Mr.Garrison: Eric, where have you been?
Cartman: Let's see where have I been, where have I been.....
Stan: Where have you been Cartman?
Cartman: Well I might have been over at the Cheesy Poof call back, winning regional championship!
He unrolls a certificate
Class gasps
Cartman: This is my regional championship certificate. Do you like it? Hey where's your regional champion certificate Clyde? Oh you don't have one? Hmm did you have a regional certificate Wendy? No? Apparently only I do!
Kyle does another haiku
Kyle: Ass full of pork fat...jiggles like a jello mold....mouth is flapping too.
Cartman: Your haiku insults have no affect on me Kyle. I'm regional champion.
Stan: Does that mean you're gonna be on that Cheesy Poof commercial?
Cartman: It's between me and four other kids. I'm on my way now with my mom to the finals.
Kyle does yet another haiku
Kyle: I bet you don't win...they don't let big fatasses...perform on TV.
Mr.Garrison: Very good Kyle.
Cartman attempts at a haiku
Cartman: Shut your god damn mouth...or else I'm gonna...kick you....squa....in the balls...asshole...ah damn it!
Nurse's Office
Mr.Mackey: Uh, how's he doing nurse?
Nurse Gollum: He's stable. But I still can't get any information out of him. I'm gonna sedate him now.
Van: No! No drugs!
Mr.Mackey: Drugs are good, mmkay.
Van: Don't let them....no....planetarium...
Nurse Gollum: Why Van Gelder?
Van: The machine is...ahh....
Mr.Mackey: The machine is ahh? That's probably bad.
Nurse Gollum: He's been talking about "the machine" for hours. That and Daisy Fuentes.
Van: Why America's Funniest Home videos?? Why??
Mr.Mackey: Uh there's only one way to get any sense out of him. We're gonna have to try a mind melt, mmkay.
Nurse Gollum: A what?
Mr.Mackey: Well it's an ancient technique handed down from school counselor to school counselor. I don't like to use it, but it may be our only hope.
Nurse Gollum: Well what will you need?
Mr.Mackey: Just time to prepare nurse. Just time....mmkay.
Planetarium
Dr.Adams: Well children, I'm so glad you came back to learn more.
Mr.Garrison: They just begged to come back, I couldn't get them to shut up about it.
Dr.Adams: Well I'm sure we're gonna have a marvelous time, won't we children?
Kids: In a hypnotic voice Yes.
Hippies: This way please, enjoy your visit.
Inside the star room
Dr.Adams: Billions of stars and billions of galaxies make up our universe. Here you see pollarus, the dog star.
Mr.Garrison: I'm just gonna step outside and go wee-wee.
Dr.Adams: Certainly Mr.Garrison.
As Mr.Garrison steps out, Dr.Adams turns up the intesity level
Dr.Adams: You love the planetarium. To be without the planetarium causes you horrible pain. All you want to do is help the planetarium thrive! To not do so makes your stomach ache with needle like sta....
Mr.Garrison comes back in and Dr.Adams turns the intesity level back to normal
Dr.Adams: .....and right over here we see the constillation orion. Orion's belt is made up of three stars. One of which...
Stan: Dude, what just happened?
Kyle: What do you mean?
Stan: Come on, we gotta get out of here before something bad happens.
Talent Show Studio
Cartman itches his nose
Ms.Cartman: Don't pick your nose hon.
Cartman: I wasn't picking it, I had a itch for cryin out loud.
Ms.Cartman: Don't be nervous, I'm sure you'll win.
Cartman: I dunno, there's a lot of competition here.
Some little girl: You think I might win mommy?
Girl's Mom: I hope so honey. Then perhaps we can eat for a little while.
Cartman: Hey look they're giving away bread outside!
Little Girl: Did you hear that mommy?
Mom: Come on perhaps we can get some food in our stomachs!
They leave
Cartman: Sike!
Outside the Planetarium
Mr.Garrison: What the hell are you boys doing, you're supposed to be in there.
Stan: Mr.Garrison, we think that the planetarium guy is.....
Kyle: Shhh!
Dr.Adams comes out
Dr.Adams: Goodbye children, thanks for coming.
Clyde: I wanna go again. I wanna go again!
Mr.Garrison: Oh for pete's sake Clyde, you just went.
Dr.Adams: Well Clyde, if you like the plane-arium so much, perhaps you'd like to do some volunteer work here.
Clyde: Yes, yes please!
Some other kids: Me too I wanna do it!
Dr.Adams: Mr.Garrison?
Mr.Garrison: Well I guess I could give them extra credit for it.
Dr.Adams: Excellent! Why don't we step over here and I'll show all you children how to volunteer.
Kids: Hooray!
Stan: Dude, this isn't right.
Kyle: Why?
Stan: We're kids dude. We don't volunteer for anything.
Kyle: Oh yeah.
Stan: Come on, we gotta see what's going on in there.
Inside the Control Room
Kyle: Here's the control panel that operates all the stars.
Stan: Kenny you go out there and tell us what you see.
Kenny: Uh huh.
Kenny goes humming into the star room and sits in a seat
Stan: He hits this switch.
Kenny: I don't see it.
Kyle: You see? Nothing dude, just a bunch of stars.
Stan:Yeah I guess so.
Stan increases the intesity level
Kenny: Oh dude!
Kyle: What does that do?
Stan: I dunno.
Kenny: Ooooooohhhhh!!!!!
Stan: Kenny what's it doing? It says "maximum".
They turn up the intesity level so high Kenny explodes
Stan: Oh my god! We've killed Kenny!
Kyle: We're bastards!
Stan turns the machine off
Stan: Dude I told you something was up with this place!
Kyle: We gotta go tell somebody quick!
Talent Studio
Some kid is performing
Kid: O....and GO...and Bingo was his name-o. Once a farmer had a dog and Bingo was his name-o.
Claps 4 times
Kid: O.... clap ...O....and Bingo was his name-o. Once a farmer had a dog and Bingo was his name-o. Clap ...ING....ING...ING....and Bingo was his naaamme-o.
Judge: Thank you, uh Peter, we'll let you know very soon. Next will be uh...Eric Theodore Cartman.
Ms.Cartman: Hello everybody! Now just do it like we rehearsed hon.
Cartman: I know I know.
Ms.Cartman turns some music on
Cartman starts singing and dancing
Cartman: She was hogged by the money! So hogged by her honey! She was hogged by the money.....on the street hooray!
He rips his red jacket off to reveal a blue shirt
Cartman: She was all about the money! So hogged by her honey! She was hogged by the money so you better treat her right.....
Silence
Dog barking is heard in the background
Judge: Well Eric Cartman, that certainly was...insane.
Cartman: Thank you.
Judge: We'll let you know.
Ms.Cartman: Thank you. Don't pick your nose hon.
Cartman: I'm not picking it ma! God damn it I had a itch!
They leave
Judge: Geezes, where do we find these people.
Nurse's Office
Mr.Mackey: Our minds are one. Mmkay. Our thoughts are one....mmkay.
Nurse Gollum: This is the strangest thing I've ever seen.
Mr.Mackey: Please nurse, for a woman with a dead fetus on your head, you're not being very openminded.
Continues to meditate with Van
Mr.Mackey: Open your mind, to your counselor. Open your mind.
Van: Doctor Adams....
Mr.Mackey: Yes....
Nurse Gollum: He owns the planetarium, what about him?
Mr.Mackey, Van: He uses the machine. The star machine. Mmkay. He uses it to erase minds.
Nurse Gollum: But why?
Mr.Mackey, Van: Planetarium. About to go out of business. Adams had to create slaves to survive.
Nurse Gollum: My god this is amazing!
Mr.Mackey: Please nurse you're throwing off my ching, mmkay?
Cut to Commercial
Talent Studio
Judge: We certainly would like to congradulate all our finalists. Only one of our finalists can win the grand prize and, unfortunately that finalist is Eric Cartman.
Cartman: Yess! I'm the best!
Judge: You were actually our last choice, but the other children had unexpectedly taken jobs as volunteers at the planetarium.
Another judge: That's odd.
Cartman: Sweeet!
News
Newscaster: It appears that more and more South Park residents are dicovering the wonder and joy of the planetarium. Here with a special report is a 34 year old Asian man who looks strikingly simila to Recardo Montebon.
Outside the Planetarium on News
Asian Man: Thanks Tom, yes indeed the planetarium has become very popular as word spreads, it really isn't as lame and stupid as one suspected. I'm here with the planetarium operator, Dr.Adams.
Dr.Adams: Thank you, I'd like to open an invitation to all South Park residents, to come see a special free show this evening. I guarantee, it'll change the way you think about the plane-arium.
Asian Man: So bring the whole family to the planeTArium, for a night of excitement and wonder.
Police
Stan: And then we turned the dial and Kenny went into a kind of....hypnosis.
Barbrady: That's a pretty far fetched story boys.
Kyle: But it's true dude!
Barbrady: Are you boys just sure you're not making this all up?
Stan: Yeah, pretty sure.
Barbrady: Well just as soon as I handle all the other crime in South Park, I'm gonna go with you to the planetarium so I can prove that nothing's wrong.
Stan: What other crime in South Park?
Barbrady: Oh yeah, let's go.
Cheesy Poof Commercial Set
Director: Ok, let's shoot the commercial. Where's our cheesy poof talent?
Cartman: I'm over here!
Cartman is in a large cheesy poof costume
Ms.Cartman: Oh you look great hon! Mommy's fat little piggy!
Cartman: AY! Let's hurry, this costume is hot.
Director: Ok roll camera, and action.
Cartman: I love cheesy poofs, you love cheesy....
Ms.Cartman: Oh wait! Wait! You've got a little eye buger hon.
Cartman: Oh mom for pete's sake!
Ms.Cartman: Got it!
Director: Aaand Action!
Cartman: I love cheesy poofs...
Director: Hold it! Cut! Can we get some more light on that backdrop?
Light guy: Sure thing!
Cartman: Oh man. Come on!
Light Guy: Got it!
Director: Ok here we go....and action.
Cartman: I love cheesy poofs you love cheesy poofs....
Director: Cut!
Cartman: Ay!
Director: I'm not liking the shoes, can we change the shoes?
Cartman: Oh god damn it!
Outside the Planetarium
Officer Barbrady knocks on the door
Dr.Adams: Oh hello officer of the law.
Barbrady: Hello Mr.Planetarium operator.
Dr.Adams: What brings you out here.
Barbrady: Well these boys seem to think you're some kind of sick weirdo that's got a master plan to screw with the minds of everyone in town.
Barbrady laughs
Dr.Adams: Oh really.
Barbrady: Yeah, I just thought I'd come show them around. So they know there's nothing to be scared of.
Dr.Adams: Actually this is a pretty inopportune time.
Barbrady: Ok, I'll be quick then.
Dr.Adams: Of course officer. Come on in.
Inside the Planetarium
There are a million kids and Chef all hypnotized in doing work
Chef: In a hypnotic voice Hello children.
Stan: Oh no! They got Chef too!
Chef: Welcome to the planetarium.
Barbrady: Well it's nice to see you finally got a real job Chef.
Chef: I love my work.
Barbrady: I know what you mean. I've always loved the planetarium too.
Dr.Adams: Would you like to see the stars officer?
Kyle, Stan: NO!
Barbrady: That would be super dooper!
Kyle: Don't do it officer Barbrady!
Cartman's House
Cartman calls his grandma
Grandma: Hello?
Cartman: Hi grandma, it's me Eric.
Grandma: Oh hello Eric. Grandma sure has missed you!
Cartman: I just wanted to remind you I'm gonna be on Television Tonight, so be sure to watch.
Grandma: Oh I will Eric.You know I remember when I was a little girl and had my first talent show audition......
Cartman: Ok bye.
He calls Stan's house
Stan's Message Machine: Hello the Marshes aren't in right now, please leave a message.
Beep
Cartman: Stan, I'm gonna be on TV tonight, be sure to watch.
He calls Kyle's house
Kyle's Message Machine: Hello you've reached the Broslofski's. Please leave a message.
beep
Cartman: Where the hell is everybody? I'm gonna be on TV tonight, you guys better not miss it.
Planetarium, Star Room
Dr.Adams: And this is the constillation called Casiopia.
Barbrady: Oh neato.
Dr.Adams turns up the intesity level
Dr.Adams: And now officer, from this moment on, you will think that you are Elvis Presley. To not be Elvis will cause you great pain.
Dr.Adams: To Kyle and Stan You see children, there's no stopping me. Even your highly intelligent policeman are no match for me.
Kyle: He's not highly intelligent.
Stan: Why are you doing this dude?
Dr.Adams: Why? Because nowadays kids have computers, surround sound television. They've forgotten all about plane-ariums. But I'll make them remember! Starting with the two of you!
Cartman's House
TV Annoucer: Terrance and Phillip will be right back after these announcements.
Cartman: Oh dude here it comes!
Commercial guy: Packed full of ingredients, Cheesy Poofs can really give you that quick pick me up. So remember.....
Singing Voice: I love cheesy poofs, you love cheesy poofs. If we didn't eat cheesy poofs, we'd be....
Cartman comes up on screen in his costume
Cartman: Lame.
TV Announcer: And now back to Terrance and Phillip.
Cartman: Yes yes that was me!!!! I was on television!!!
Planetarium
Mr.Mackey and Nurse Gollum burst through the doors
Mr.Mackey: Ah hah! Caught you red-handed! Mmkay.
Stan: Mr.Mackey!
Mr.Mackey: Officer Barbrady, this man is using some kind of mind control.
Barbrady stars talking like Elvis
Nurse Gollum: What's wrong with him?
Barbrady: Yeah baby, yeah baby.
Mr.Mackey: Oh no, apparently he thinks he's Charlton Heston.
Dr.Adams: No you idiot! He thinks he's Elvis! Elvis, escort our guests to the plane-arium.
Barbrady: Oh if you wouldn't mind, would you please follow me.
Mr.Mackey: Uh oh.
Cut to Commercial
Star Room, Planetarium
Dr.Adams: Let's begin, shall we? And now you will remember nothing! Except that the plane-arium is the best thing you've ever known.
Cartman enters
Cartman: Well well well, you guys can now kiss my ass because I was on Television!
Everyone ignores him, too dazed by the stars
Cartman: Ay didn't you guys see it? I was on television! You missed it! You missed it because of this stupid planetarium!
Cartman tips over the light machine
Cartman: Planetariums suck ass!!!!
The machine goes in reverse and all the light goes into Dr.Adams' eye completely erasing his mind
Everyone wakes up from the hypnosis
Kyle: Cartman, you saved us.
Cartman: What the hell are you talking about?
Stan: Get over here and untie us
Cartman starts untying everyone
Mr.Mackey: Eric you really saved the day, mmkay.
Barbrady: Not so fast there tubby. I'm just takin care of business.
Mr.Mackey: Think hard Elvis. You're not really the king of rock and roll. You're a fat stupid worthless policeman in a small town, mmkay?
Barbrady goes back to normal
Barbrady: Oh thank you from a fate worse than death counselor!
Stan: Oh my god! Dr.Adams!
Kyle: He got a full dose of the stars.
Stan: Yeah, with nobody around to say anything.
Kyle: Can you imagine it Stan. A mind...emptied....by that...thing.
Cartman: Wow what a day this has been, I was on TV and I'm a hero.
He itches his nose
Ms.Cartman pops into the room
Ms.Cartman: Don't pick your nose hon.
Cartman: GOD DAMN IT I WASN'T PICKING IT, I HAD AN ITCH!
The End